


I can't make you love me

by anabonnana



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Boys In Love, Dorks in Love, Eren&Levi endgame, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff? And angst, Freeform, Idiots in Love, In love with your best friend's brother, M/M, Major Character Injury, Not really that angsty don't worry lol, One-Shot, One-Sided Attraction, One-Sided Levi/Petra Ral, One-Sided Relationship, Sacrifice?, True Love, Unrequited Love, for awhile, slice of life?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-25
Updated: 2016-05-25
Packaged: 2018-06-10 15:32:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6962665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anabonnana/pseuds/anabonnana
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A story about a girl who loved a boy so dearly she got blinded by that love. </p>
<p>A story about;<br/>love,<br/>sacrifice,<br/>and forgiveness—<br/>of letting go and beginning anew.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>**note**<br/>(endgame: ERERI)</p>
            </blockquote>





	I can't make you love me

**Author's Note:**

> Before reading this fic, I suggest you listen to this song that inspired me in writing this.
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nW9Cu6GYqxo
> 
> Please listen to it so you can sympathize with Petra.
> 
> This is Petra's POV and it's her side of the story. I do not wish to anger anyone, but I wanted to make a story about someone who loves a person so dearly she got blinded by that love. A story about, love, sacrifice, and forgiveness, of letting go and beginning anew.  
> 
> This is An ERERI fic and the endgame is ERERI. 

* * *

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

_Turn down the lights;_  
_Turn down the bed._  
_Turn down these voices_  
_inside my head._

 

* * *

 

I have been in love with this man for as long as I can remember…

 

**(6 years ago)**

 

“Hey Petra!” I whipped my head with glee at the sound of the voice.

“Izzy!!!” I responded and said girl threw herself to me and hugged me like there’s no tomorrow.

Izzy and I had been the best of friends since we were babes. Our mothers were best friends since they were babes too. So it came natural, especially when we also live next to each other. The only difference I guess is that my mom wasn’t in love with Izzy’s mom’s brother, but I’m in love with Izzy’s.

His name’s Levi; he was 2 years older than us. Practically too large a gap when we were kids. He was so mature I knew I’ll never have a chance with him when he looks at me just as his childhood friend and his sister’s best friend. Practically, just like a sister to him.

He was aloof, just has merely a handful of friends namely a blond named Erwin and a brunette named Hanji, but his mysterious charisma makes him glow all the brighter. He makes people want to get to know him more, yet he doesn’t give them a chance unless you wiggle yourself into his life.

He was the unattainable dream I could never wish to be in my grasp no matter how much I grovel in sand. Levi was way too out of my reach.

“Oi Brat!” Levi greeted as he patted my head. He never fails to remind me just what I am to him, but I smile nonetheless, I’m just happy that he at least pays attention to me somehow.

“Levi! Stop ruining my hair!” I mock grumbled and fixed my hair. Izzy blew a raspberry to Levi and he cringed in disgust at his sister.

Levi loves Izzy so much even though he’s just adopted when their mom thought they’d never have a child. Izzy loved him just as much.

“C’mon brats I’m walking with you to school.”

Levi always walks with us to school even though he’s busy with being the soccer team’s captain. He just loves his sister so much he walks with us just to have time with her in his busy schedule especially this time of the year that the soccer competition is drawing near, he can’t even walk home with us because he goes home late all the time.

We sometimes eat lunch together when he’s not busy, I’m just happy I get to spend time with him. I know someday someone will whisk him away, he’s not only good looking and sporty but he’s also quite intelligent; he’s actually top 3 of his class. All the girls would fawn over him, I’m actually quite privileged that I’m his childhood friend so I’m going to cherish it.

After a few weeks, Levi got even busier he doesn’t even have time to walk with us in the morning but he still makes time with us during lunch and that’s when I noticed a subtle difference. We eat outside with his friends every time they can join Izzy and me but his eyes would gravitate to the table near ours no matter how much he tries to be smooth about it, he can’t really be unnoticed by me especially when he’s the only one I can see.

 I remember those people eating there are the same grade as Levi’s but in a different class, the class across Levi’s class. At first I didn’t mind it, but then I caught Levi blushing subtly and looked away, when I saw who he was looking at it was a boy with brown fluffy hair and tan skin, I think he’s the new transfer student from Germany.

I wondered what Levi was looking at until I saw his eyes. The boy’s eyes had the color of the ocean. If you could describe the ocean it would be 2 words, his eyes. And his smile was actually quite charming; I reckoned he saw Levi looking at him that’s why Levi looked away. Maybe he was just embarrassed that he was caught looking at someone. The boy with the ocean’s eyes was actually quite loud, so maybe that’s why Levi was looking. It just caught his attention, is all.

As days turned to weeks, I must say Levi and I got closer. The feel of him treating me just like a sister never really went away though, but I would take what I could get. But then I would notice strange things, like when every time we eat outside, Hanji and Erwin kept grinning Levi’s way and Levi would scowl at them and blush. It’s like there’s an inside joke they know that I don’t and it’s bugging me. Izzy is just oblivious to all of these or she just doesn’t bother.

Levi’s eyes still gravitate to the other table and every time the boy with the ocean’s eye and Levi caught each other looking at the other, they’d look away immediately and blush profusely.

* * *

 

The soccer season eventually ended. Levi and his team got to nationals but turned short for grabbing the trophy. They were just happy they got to nationals again after 7 years of not having been there and the 1st year for Levi being the captain. He was by far the greatest captain in soccer the school could have, he turned the low esteemed bunch into hardworking champions. They were in fact champions in our eyes though, we were proud of them.

* * *

 

“— ren.”

“What?” I snapped out of my daydreaming.

“I said Eren.” Hanji repeated, she elaborated when I just crinkled my nose in confusion.

“You’ve been looking at the transfer student for quite a while now; I just said his name is Eren.”

“Oh!” I flustered, I didn’t know I’ve been staring at him.

“Petra has a crush!” Izzy teased.

“WHA-? N-no! it’s not like that!” I defended and Hanji cackled catching Eren’s attention and he smiled.

“Don’t worry hun, you’re not the only one.” And Hanji looked to her left, when I followed her gaze I saw Levi looking at Eren like he’s the only one he can see. I then realized that all this time, Levi has been looking at Eren the way I was looking at him. The way I always wanted for Levi to look at me. I knew, somewhere in the back of my mind I knew but I refused to believe it and now…

Oh, it crushed me. It crushed me so bad I almost cried right then and there I never knew the pain of realization could hurt this bad. But hiding your feelings for so long, you’ll learn to eventually fake it. I grinned like it’s not tearing my heart out. Laughed with them like it’s not getting my heart stabbed. I smiled even though all I wanted was to bawl my eyes out.

I knew it would come eventually, I knew, but it didn’t make the pain any less. I obviously had no chance; Eren was someone I can never compare myself to be.

* * *

 

“I’m home!” I announced when I arrived and closed the door, no one replied so I went to the kitchen there was a note in there that says my parents won’t be home till tomorrow afternoon and that there’s food in the fridge. I had no appetite so I went to my bedroom immediately the dam is barely holding on.

I locked my room and, finally. Finally, I can cry where no one’s watching. I was hopeless before, imagine now. I sunk in my bed and cried all the pain away the whole night and fell asleep from exhaustion. I woke up the next day with a major headache. The pain wasn’t even alleviated with that much crying. I thought they said after crying yourself crazy it’ll feel better? It didn’t. The headache just made me want to cry again.

_Ring. Ring. Ring._

I heard my phone ringing and took it out from my pocket; I didn’t get to change after I went home yesterday. I saw who was calling, it was Izzy, I didn’t want to answer but I did anyway or else she’d come banging in our door.

“Hey Izzy?” I tried acting normal.

“ _Pet? You sound like you’re sick. Are you alright?_ ”

“Yeah, I just woke up”

“ _Oh! Okay, you see it’s a weekend and my brother and I are going out wanna come with us_?”

As much as I wanted to go with them and see Levi, I knew I can’t. I must look horrible after crying myself to sleep.

“I can’t my mom asked me to do something for her, maybe next time?”

“ _Oh, that’s alright. Okay, promise me next time okay?_ ”

“Yeah, I promise.” And the call ended.

* * *

 

After a few days, I tried acting normal with them even though it hurts every time I see them getting closer. I know he’s happy, I love him but I want him to be happy. Sometimes I want to be selfish. I wish he could be mine, I’ve been praying for a long time. I can’t even confess to him because I know as soon as I do, this thing we have, it’ll be ruined. The only thing we have and it will no doubt, be ruined. I’d rather be his childhood friend than nothing. I’ll take what I can get.

A month after that, Eren and Levi finally got together. They didn’t make it public yet, the only ones who knew were their closest friends, they’re not trying to hide it but they’re not announcing it either. Levi was at his happiest. I wanted to hate Eren, but he’s not making it easy. How can you hate someone who makes the one you love truly happy? I think what I hate is the fact that it’s not me instead.

* * *

 

Eren’s birthday was coming up; Levi fretted what he wanted to get him. He asked me and Izzy if we could help him, I said I would and of course Izzy would. How can I not, when he smiled at me like I was his only hope.

He wanted to get Eren a ring; I’d just imagine it’s for me. We went to 4 jewelry shops to find Eren a ring until I found something that I knew was breathtakingly elegant yet simple.

It was silver and the diamond band overlapped the emerald like an infinity sign. I knew it was perfect and when I showed it to Levi he beamed. But sadly, the price was a little over the expensive side but that did not deter Levi; he said he’d use the savings he had for a long time just for one measly ring.

He was saving that to buy himself the soccer shoes he wanted. He didn’t want to bother their parents with buying him expensive soccer shoes. He’s had that soccer shoes for a long time and I knew how much he wanted a new one but he’s sacrificing that just for Eren.

I’m just a little bitter it wasn’t for me, but as long as he’s happy. I just hope Eren will cherish him the way I would if it was me instead.

* * *

 

The following day, Levi and I went back to buy the ring, Izzy couldn’t come with us because she had a meeting with her club.

After we bought the ring Levi couldn’t stop staring at it. When he finally wanted to put it back, some asshole bumped into him and he dropped the ring.

It was all as if it was in slow motion, Levi ran for the ring when it got kicked and rolled. Everyone cleared the pedestrian because it was a green light. The damn ring just went and rolled in the middle of the street, I could not breathe as a loud horn was being honked. All I could think in that moment was “Levi.”

* * *

 

I woke up groggy. I couldn’t remember what happened. My mind was so hazy, I remember Levi, the ring and a car.

I jolted awake and fell from the bed when I tried to stand.

I yelped because the pain was overwhelming I nearly blacked out. I couldn’t feel the rest of my leg.

“Oh God!”

The door burst and I saw Levi running to me but I was in so much shock I could not move.

I’m missing a leg.

Then I passed out.

* * *

 

I woke up again, thinking it was just a nightmare only to find out I am living my nightmare.

“Petra.” I heard someone speak and I looked at the owner of the voice.

“Le- vi” I croaked. He looked so disheveled like he’s not been sleeping for the past week.

“Thank god you’re awake.”

“What happened?” I asked.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry…” Levi cried. I have never in my life, saw this strong man cry.

“I’m sorry, it’s all my fault.” To see this man be reduced to a crying mess it crushed my heart.

I cried knowing I’m never going to be able to walk normally again. I wanted to tell him it’s all right but I don’t because I know it’s not alright.

It was my choice when I jumped and pushed him away and got hit by the car instead of him. It was my choice to save him, but the bitter part of me just won’t acknowledge that.

“I’m sorry.” He kept repeating. My parents and friends were there to, they told him it wasn’t his fault and it really wasn’t his. But he believes otherwise.

I was held back a year due to my long absence and so we just decided that I would continue next year; I needed to adjust from this anyway. Levi helped me all the way; he quit soccer just so he can take care of me.

He asked me one time for forgiveness and he said he’d do anything for me. He asked me what I wanted and I told him “You.”

I’ll take what I can get. Didn’t I tell myself that? for once, let me be selfish.

“I want you Levi.” And he gave me him.

But he never smiled the way he used to ever again.

Eren was broken by their break up but he thought it was for the best, his family and him are going back to Germany, he said his dad got the promotion and so he left and brought with him Levi’s heart.

* * *

 

It’s been six years, we’ve been together ever since, but I know he looks at pictures of Eren when he thinks I don’t know. He mutters Eren’s name when he’s asleep. I realized, I might have him physically but his heart, his soul and his entire being can never, ever belong to me. It already belonged to someone else for a long time.

I’ll take what I can get. I kept repeating that, that was when I thought he’d eventually love me. But he doesn’t and I know he never will. And it’s been six years since I saw his smile. I knew I was being selfish but I can’t let him go.

I can’t.

* * *

 

_I'll close my eyes,_  
_Then I won't see_  
_The love you don't feel_  
_When you're holding me._

* * *

 

 

“I love you.” I said as I embrace him.

“I love you too.” Nothing could have hurt than the one you love tell you something you know he will never mean the way you want it to mean.

He loves me but not like how he loves Eren.

He loves me the way he loves a sister.

* * *

 

Eren came back in town; we were invited to his welcoming party. It was just a small gathering of close friends, I wanted to go. See him for myself. Levi agreed, never have I seen his eyes spark the way it used to. It was somewhat dimmed but it's there nonetheless.

When we arrived at the venue, Levi, my Levi, I have never seen him this happy. It was just like 6 years ago, he looks at Eren the way I’ve always wanted him to look at me. I’ve been selfish for a long time. I’ve deprived two people who love each other of their happiness because I wanted to be happy.

I love Levi, and I forgot it’s not supposed to be me who’s happy. When you love someone, you won’t think of yourself, but you think of their happiness instead. I failed to see that.

I did not only hurt myself, but hurt the most important person in my life. I exploited his guilt and kind heart and used that to control him. I will never truly be happy knowing that the one I love is miserable.

Seeing him have life again after seeing Eren made me realize, I will never be the one to do that.

* * *

 

_Morning will come,_  
_And I'll do what's right;_  
_Just give me till then_  
_To give up this fight._  
  
_And I will give up this fight._

* * *

 

The next day when Levi went to work I packed my bags and waited for Levi to come home.

“I’m home.” Levi announced and shrugged his jacket off of him and placed his briefcase at the counter.

“Petra?” Levi asked and went to the person in the living room. Levi saw all the bags and was confused.

“Levi, I love you. All this time I have loved you, but that very same love I have for you blinded me into thinking you’ll eventually love me too. But you didn’t. Last night seeing you smile again for real, without forcing yourself, I remembered that, that was the Levi I fell in love with. Not the Levi who was a shell of a man. And I am sorry; I made you sacrifice your own happiness for my selfishness.” Levi was about say something but I held out my hand, a plead to let me finish or I might not.

“Do not feel guilty for what happened to me, I can’t let you destroy yourself, I watched you destroy yourself for far too long and I can’t. Not anymore. You love him Levi, you still do. You might have not noticed but you keep calling out his name when you sleep. You call me by his name sometimes and you don’t even notice it. I can’t pretend it’s not eating me, I can’t watch two obviously in love people destroy themselves. I love you too much for that Levi…”

“I— I’m sorry Petra. God knows I tried, but I can’t...”

_I can’t forget him._

_I can’t love you._

“I know.” I said, he hugged me and whispered in my ears,

_"Thank you."_

* * *

_Because I can't make you love me_  
_if you don't._  
_You can't make your heart feel_  
_Something it won't._  
_Here in the dark_  
_In these final hours,_  
_I will lay down my heart_  
_And I'll feel the power;_  
_But you won't._

 

* * *

 

 

**11 months later…**

I saw them again, Eren was exquisite in his white Tuxedo and Levi, Levi was breathtaking in his black. Their smiles were so big I knew it’d hurt but I can’t stop smiling either and the tears won’t stop falling. I knew it wasn’t out of sadness because when I cried, it felt liberating. I was truly, genuinely happy that Levi is happy as they say their “I do’s”

I forgot my handkerchief and so I was a smiling and a crying mess, I wasn’t the only one though. Izzy and the rest of our friends are bawling their eyes out and Eren kept laughing at our crying faces.

“Here.” Someone said in my right.

“Oh, thank you.” I said as I reached for the handkerchief being given and I wiped my tears with it. I noticed he had the same undercut as Levi’s but his hair was a sandy blond and a little bit curly.

During the reception when Eren threw the bouquet of flowers it ended up in my lap and everyone was clapping and cheering, when it was time to dance I danced with both Levi and Eren but not too much because standing too long sometimes hurt the leg with prosthetic.

The same sandy blond who gave me his handkerchief earlier asked for my hand in a dance and so we danced a slow waltz and he introduced himself.

“My name’s Olou and I can’t seem to take my eyes off of the most beautiful eyes I have ever se–.” he bit his tongue and he sounded so awkward and I can’t stop but snort in his attempt at flirting.

“The name’s Petra.” I smiled and he blushed. He was kind of cute in his own way.

I never thought I’d meet the man who’ll eventually look at me the way I’ve always wanted for someone to look at me, the man who’ll eventually make me feel what it’s like to truly love and be loved in return.

Sometimes, we just got to take our chances.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. :]


End file.
